Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A funny story...from behind the scenes!

One night...as I was working what we call "10-99", or "by myself"...I received a call for an assault in progress. I arrived on scene as I heard the dispatcher tell me to wait for my backup. What? Am I...or was I...incapable of performing my police duties? Anyway...I didn't wait. I didn't see a fight in progress. Instead...I see a man, standing outside of a laundromat, with sad puppy dog eyes. Beside him...a security guard frantically waving me down and pointing to the man with the puppy dog eyes all in one swoop of the hand. The security guard was quick to tell me how he was assaulted and pushed by the man with the puppy dog eyes. So...I simply asked the man what had happened. He was quick to admit he had assaulted the security officer (see world's dumbest criminals). So...there's my proof-right? I quickly placed the hand cuffs on the man as I continued to listen to the security officer's account of what had happened. Enough was enough...okay security officer I'm thinking...do you want this guy arrested? YES! The security officer not only wanted him arrested....he was going to make sure he made it to court!

Did I mentioned my back up finally arrived? But...by this time I didn't need back up...I just needed a transport vehicle. Puppy dog eyes was a little stinky...and I wasn't trying to transport him in my car!

So...Officer 'Puddin' shows up! Not really his name of course...but certainly a suiting nickname for him. I tell 'Puddin' that I had an arrest, and needed him transported. Our policy is to search everyone prior to transport....you don't really need to get shot in the back of the head you know. So 'Puddin' instructs puppy dog eyes to spread his feet...and proceeds to conduct a search. I stand by...watching...waiting. 'Puddin' looks back at me with a sly half-smile and says "What is this?" as he makes his way down puppy dog eyes' leg. 'Puddin' felt a long hard object just inside the man's inner thigh. Could it be? You know where I'm going with this...I hope! 'Puddin' looks back at me again and with a hateful grin says, "I hate you." My eyes begin to flood with tears...no, I wasn't crying...but I was engaged in full blown laughter!

I watched as 'Puddin' feels this object, and appearing to be alittle grossed out...watches as this object works it's way down the man's leg. Okay...'Puddin' and I are both thinking now...it's definitely not what we thought it was...or it wouldn't be working it's way down puppy dog eyes' leg! The object makes its way to the end of the man's pant leg, and 'Puddin' slowly raises the cuff to take a look at this unknown object.

You would never have guessed it! We literally scared the poop out of puppy dog eyes! My question is...how did it make its way out, and down his pants in tact?

The things I see in my line of work never cease to amaze me. I get together with friends who love to hear the stories! I often wonder if Megan will also want to hear these stories.

In my line of work...I see too much sometimes. I wonder sometimes why we all aren't offered weekly counseling sessions. I wonder how others deal with what they see everyday. During my orientation...when I was first hired, I was told by a therapist to laugh about it. Are you serious? I'm thinking...other people's misery is my humor? It's strange to think about...but it is! It's our own way of self-medicating I guess. How else do we deal with the gore and the violence?

I pondered over becoming a mother for years. It wasn't something I was 'drawn' to...or something I felt I just HAD to do with my life. I mean...how could I be so selfish to bring a child into the world when tomorrow I could be killed at work and my baby would have to grow up without a Mommy....without ME!

This is how...

I met my awesome husband Kevin...who is in the same line of work. How could two amazing people NOT reproduce! I mean...Kevin and I....we are making a world a better place by doing what we do right? So when our babies grow up...they won't have to deal with the crazy stuff going on in the world...right? Yeah...okay...I'm dreaming. But let me tell you this...having my Megan is probably the most significant thing that has ever happened to me in my life! Whether Kevin and I are making the world a better place or not...Megan's world will be perfect. Or darn close!

So...this is my blog. I'm new at this! I hope to bring you funny stories as a Detective...and a Mommy! I have a lot to learn in both of my careers...and I hope to keep you entertained as I learn. Enjoy!


Dee said...

LOL! GREAT story! And YAY for you having a blog! :) I'm following you!

Betsy said...

ROFL!! What a funny story. Glad you didn't have to transport!! lol.

A Family Completed... said...

Geez he was stinky before the turd. Maybe he just had loose bowls, lol. That was pretty gross Michelle. If Megan doesn't want to hear your stories then she'll be crazy cause that was great!